prelude

a few years ago my friend miss bell invited me to go camping at glacier national park.* during the drive on the way to our campsite, we started discussing religion. all of us had differing opinions, though we were all practicing mormons. eddie** strongly advocated assimilation to a zion culture. i was and still am adamantly against that.

now there's something to be said about cohesion of culture and brother- sisterhood within an organization such as the church. i have no problem with people believing and acting in a way that allows them to identify and feel one-ness with their faith or other organization (as long as those acts aren't illegal or bring harm to others). my problem arises when the culture is assumed to be doctrinal and those who don't assimilate are shunned or otherwise made to feel bad. we are given principles and can govern ourselves. there are many paths of righteousness within the church. my path is not your path is not his path is not her path.

i guess i bring this up because i have to remind myself of these things every general conference. this is something i've fought hard to come to terms with. for so long i wanted to be on whatever "right" path everyone around me was on. kind of difficult when that changes depending on who you're with. i finally figured out that i have to follow my path no matter what everyone else is doing and as long as i've consulted the lord and have his approval, then i'm good. even if sister so-and-so*** is on a different path. yes, i need to follow the prophet and i love listening to the inspired messages and getting pumped to change myself for the better. i love setting goals and forgetting striving to keep them. one of mine this conference is to be more service oriented and to think of what i can give to {people, organizations, events} instead of what i'll get from them.

so, uh, what are your conference thoughts?

*this is a whole other story in itself. if i remember, i'll post it someday. reminders welcome.

**name has been changed to one i don't like. actually i didn't like his real name, either. (my apologies if your name is eddie. please don't take it personally)

***when i was little, i thought sister so-and-so was someone's real name. but i don't anymore.

study like a scholar, scholar

really, it speaks for itself

video by hbllproductions

can we pretend?

you know what "they" say, if you want to make god laugh, tell him your plans. i hate them a little bit right now. i kind of get the idea that the universe is ganging up on me. it's not that anything particularly terrible has happened. just life: my heart broke. it's ok, i've got glue. my employer dropped me from the group health insurance. it's ok, i'll buy a plan myself. my grandpa died. it's ok, he was 85 and lived a happy life.

but sometimes the irony of the universe that i usually find so amusing is not so funny when i'm the butt of the joke. you know, when the plan that makes god laugh gets severely thwarted from all sides and you have to go to plan x because you've already gone through plans a-w and you worry what's going to happen when you get to plan z, which you assume won't work because plans a-y didn't and you realize you should've been using numbers all along because they're infinite. you know? and this realization comes rather painfully like driving full speed into a brick wall because it seemed to all be working out so perfectly according to plan whatever-letter-it-was, complete with nods of spiritual confirmation from the big guy and then, as sherry carpet once said so succinctly, free will kicks my butt again.

so i have some conversations with that being who's probably simultaneously rolling his eyes and chuckling at (with?) this prideful little mortal daughter of his as she tries to wheedle, cajole, bargain and finally submit to his all-knowing plan. (can i at least see it? please?)

perhaps this is an abrahamic test - when one is asked to relinquish truly righteous desires in the name of god. (melodramatic much, ann?) like abraham and sarah raising the miracle child isaac, through whom the covenants of god would be fulfilled, and then being asked to sacrifice him to the very being who gave them this gift in the first place. its a story i'm still not sure i'm comfortable with. i guess the upside is that abraham didn't have to sacrifice isaac after all - he just had to be willing to - and the lord did fulfill his promises, but only after abraham climbed the mountain, placed his cherished gift on the altar and raised the knife.

so maybe i'm still climbing my mountain (it ain't about how fast i git there, right). maybe i haven't placed my gift on the altar yet. maybe i don't have the heart to raise the knife or maybe i haven't even received said gift(s). it's all very confusing. and until i figure all that business out, i will stock up on sweet sweet nectar of the gods, a few choice scriptures, some words from the wise, a lot of books and several sleeves of double stuff oreos...

and pretend that airplanes in the night sky are like shooting stars cause i could really use a wish right now.

oh crap

so i discovered that the mint tea i've been drinking every morning and all day every day is actually black tea with mint leaves, not herbal tea. no wonder i didn't have dc withdrawls. now i am, though. and chocolate withdrawls, too.

okay okay oKAY!

i knew i wasn't going to be good at this...

so, after a loooooong hiatus, here are some of the best lines from Sacrament meeting yesterday. to be followed (fingers crossed) by more interesting things.

1. "I don't know half of you half as well as I should like, and I like less than half of you half as well as you deserve." (this was the opening line in her talk.)

2. "We're Mormons; back in the 1800s we INVENTED moving!" (his response to a friend's plea for help moving.)

and then i ate enchiladas made by my lovely friends miluska and kevin and watched the olympics. sadly, i missed the men's 4x100 free relay. thank heaven for the internet. however did we get along without it?