i remember hating my brother sometimes. even wishing he was dead once or twice. but the thought of life without alex always brought me to tears. still does. i've never known life without him. even now, he's still a larger-than-life influence.
and now some meandering:
she hated the forgetting
wisps of memory sliding through her fingers
scattering, dissipating, flying
she watched them
sad
mute, dumb, paralyzed
powerless
if she asked,
would he (could he) bring them back to her?
maybe next thursday
she'll find a jar
lid shut tight
not like the fireflies they caught
last september
his birthday
and let escape by morning
she wouldn't let go
if he left her a jar
maybe next thursday
and a few happy thoughts:
alex could build the best block towers. and he'd let you help knock them down after mom took pictures.
he taught me to drive a stick. he was even patient about it...mostly.
he let me tag along after him. sometimes, in high school, he even let me hang out with him and his friends. (don't know if i've ever known greater guys...)
he loved star wars.
he was SUCH a geek. but i always thought he was the ultimate cool. he liked ultimate, too.
he had quite the imagination. we tried to create our own secret language once (his idea). i think it lasted about a week.
once, he built a casino in our basement.
he could build forts out of anything...blankets in the living room, scrap wood in a tree, snow caves in the driveway...and he'd let you hang out there, too.
he was smart and witty and could always make me laugh (when he wasn't torturing me...or when i wasn't being dramatic)
i always knew he was a good guy, even when he was holding me down and trying to spit in my face (ok he only did that once). i knew he was someone who loved the lord and loved his family. even his awkward little sister.
love you, al. happy belated booty to ya, too.
