my ax is ALWAYS sharp (i'm a girl scout)

in case you didn't know, the national weather service issued a winter storm warning with blizzard conditions - up to 28 inches of snow are expected in the dc region between 6am Friday and 10pm Saturday.  consequently, thursday evening everyone in the greater dc area commenced to panic. schools pre-emptively closed, college classes were cancelled and stores are now out of toilet paper, bread and bottled water and lines for the check-out were ridiculous.  all before a single flake fell.  fellow dc-ists, please note this sage advice from one who knows:

Snow Advice For The Frantic Mid-Atlantic

by LAURA LORSON

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All Things Considered

[2 min 53 sec]

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February 5, 2010

Laura Lorson is the producer, editor and localAll Things Considered host for Kansas Public Radio.

Some advice for you folks in the mid-Atlantic on snowstorms: You can trust me; I live in the Midwest. We get phenomenal amounts of snow pretty regularly ... though I could see where you might not know that, because we have to get, like, apocalyptic amounts of ice before anyone on The Weather Channel bothers to point it out. So anyway, here are my rules for a safe, healthy, happy snow experience.

1. Chopping up your furniture for fuel goes a lot more smoothly if you keep your axes nice and sharp.

2. Do not pay more than $50 for a loaf of black-market Wonder Bread.

3. There's more food in your house than you think. Search the junk drawers — there are often stale Gummi bears and Lemonhead candies.

4. Check on your shut-in neighbors, especially the ones who don't think you are sufficiently serious about lawn care in the summertime. Be extra-nice and superconcerned while you are there. They will feel guilty. The evil glee in your heart will keep you warm.

Jason Slote/Courtesy of Laura Lorson

Laura Lorson offers her advice on surviving snowstorms with a smile on your face.

5. If Pa goes out to find more wheat, tell him to go to Almanzo Wilder's. He's holding back some in the walls to use for seed next spring.

6. Four-wheel drive will get you only so far. Next year, consider investing in a mule. Their accelerator pedals never stick! In fact, their accelerator pedals are a stick!

7. Keep a sense of perspective. Running out of Chai Latte K-Cups is not worth a call to 911.

8. To clear your driveway of heavy snow and ice, get married.

9. Stay off the roads if you can ... but if you absolutely, positively have to get to Capitol Hill, strap yourself to Mitch McConnell and tell him that Harry Reid's scheduled a vote on abolishing the filibuster.

10. Enjoy it. Stay home; stay safe; make soup; read a book. Make snow angels. Learn what we already know here in the Midwest — you can think of snow as an annoyance, or accept it for what it is — a gift of time. Time with your family, time with your thoughts, time to be thankful for shelter and warmth and hot chocolate. Take the gift; enjoy it; use it well.

thanks for the advice, laura! 'manzo said he didn't any grain and i wasn't smart enough to look in the wall. but i only paid $47.68 for the last loaf of wonder bread after i fought off an old lady trying to beat me with her walker. sucker.

thanks also to npr for employing such a person.

note to self

its not a very good idea to keep your drink next to your paintbrush water.

deep thoughts

if you ever make hummus and drop a steaming hot chick pea down your shirt and it gets stuck in the canyon and burns you, let your roommate throw a handful of frozen lima beans down there, too. the burn is soothed and you have a serving of vegetables ready to eat.

suspicion confirmed

i interrupt your blogsurfing break from your productive workday to bring you this perfectly useless and very unblogworthy, yet fast breaking story:

my right calf is smaller than my left.

and there you have it. stay tuned for more drivel. up next, if you think you're invisible when driving down the highway in your car, think again. i can see you picking your nose. yes, even at night. how does this effect dc-ists and what can you do to stop it? find out, after the break.

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really, picking your nose in your car doesn't effect dc-ists at all, but we're going to blame solely that for the spread of the swine flu and caution you about an impending epidemic if it isn't stopped. so what can you do to stop it? don't pick your nose.

have a great day.

**video courtesy of forwarders of emails including disgustingly cute babies, puppies, kittens and other things that make one say "awwww" and throw up a little in one's mouth.

christmas in january

because i'm always a litta behind.

this is the national christmas tree on the mall. and the national menorah in the background, which nobody ever seems to mention. i wonder if that makes it sad. the national tree is surrounded by 50 smaller trees each decorated to represent a state. usually christmas holiday music is blaring and a bonfire roaring and you can walk around and view the trees up close. but because the snowstorm had just finished dumping that morning (remember the 20 inches?) the chain link was installed to keep everyone out. i'm sure it was for safety reasons. blah blah blah. the music was still blaring though.

awkward family photos, anyone?

a little frolicking at the capitol never hurt anyone. annoyed, yes. hurt, no.

the capitol tree is often referred to as "the people's tree" and is brought in from one of the nation's state parks (i think). this one hails from arizona and was decorated by arizonian schoolchildren. we liked it the best.

you can't see it, but the flag is actually flying over the senate chambers, signaling that, even at 9:30pm on sunday the 20th, the senators were still - er - discussing the healthcare bill. i hope they know how to whip it.


*photos courtesy of the amazing tali

dear santa,

i believe.

love, annie

ps. you read blogs, right?

the nerve

so i went to ALL the trouble of dragging myself to the airport and spending hours in transit only to be abandoned by my family. apparently there's something called work in which some people prefer to indulge. so i'm eating copious amounts of sweets and watching good things utah (and trying not to put a pen through my eye). 

and there's diet coke with lime EVERYWHERE. 

i know. my life is so hard.

it's good to be home.