my ax is ALWAYS sharp (i'm a girl scout)

in case you didn't know, the national weather service issued a winter storm warning with blizzard conditions - up to 28 inches of snow are expected in the dc region between 6am Friday and 10pm Saturday.  consequently, thursday evening everyone in the greater dc area commenced to panic. schools pre-emptively closed, college classes were cancelled and stores are now out of toilet paper, bread and bottled water and lines for the check-out were ridiculous.  all before a single flake fell.  fellow dc-ists, please note this sage advice from laura lorson of npr kansas:

1. Chopping up your furniture for fuel goes a lot more smoothly if you keep your axes nice and sharp.

2. Do not pay more than $50 for a loaf of black-market Wonder Bread.

3. There's more food in your house than you think. Search the junk drawers — there are often stale Gummi bears and Lemonhead candies.

4. Check on your shut-in neighbors, especially the ones who don't think you are sufficiently serious about lawn care in the summertime. Be extra-nice and superconcerned while you are there. They will feel guilty. The evil glee in your heart will keep you warm.

5. If Pa goes out to find more wheat, tell him to go to Almanzo Wilder's. He's holding back some in the walls to use for seed next spring.

6. Four-wheel drive will get you only so far. Next year, consider investing in a mule. Their accelerator pedals never stick! In fact, their accelerator pedals are a stick!

7. Keep a sense of perspective. Running out of Chai Latte K-Cups is not worth a call to 911.

8. To clear your driveway of heavy snow and ice, get married.

9. Stay off the roads if you can ... but if you absolutely, positively have to get to Capitol Hill, strap yourself to Mitch McConnell and tell him that Harry Reid's scheduled a vote on abolishing the filibuster.

10. Enjoy it. Stay home; stay safe; make soup; read a book. Make snow angels. Learn what we already know here in the Midwest — you can think of snow as an annoyance, or accept it for what it is — a gift of time. Time with your family, time with your thoughts, time to be thankful for shelter and warmth and hot chocolate. Take the gift; enjoy it; use it well.

thanks for the advice, laura! it rivals the advice i received before moving from georgia to colorado: don't eat the yellow snow.  good thing i only paid $47.68 for the last loaf of wonder bread after i fought off an old lady trying to beat me with her walker. sucker.

thanks also to my mother for bringing this lovely broadcast to my attention and to npr for employing such a person. the full broadcast can be found here:

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All Things Considered

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