why i love my family (caution, long journal-y post)

and by family i mean immediate and extended. this an email chain from my mom's side (the stimpsons) before our regularly scheduled family reunion. we're debating what to wear for our family picture. note to jeebers: read for orange space suit reference...
the cast (for those of you unrelated to me, that for some reason continue reading this blog) in order of appearance:
nicea = my mother
fred = my father
shannon = uncle
justin = cousin
annie = that's me
shawn = aunt
coy = aunt
tom = uncle
krista = cousin

Sat, 12 May 2001 01:37:58 EDT
From: Nicea

Dear Folks--

My fashion expert (okay, I'm using the term loosely--Hi, Justin!--helped me see that we have prematurely decided upon the attire for the family picture. On Monday or Tuesday of next week I shall consult a true expert in matters of making ourselves look better than we really do (the photographer himself) and ask him what we should wear for the picture. So, don't rush out to buy khakis, collared or crewnecked shirts or jeans just yet. I'll get back to you on this. :>)

Sincerely,

The Reunion Czar

P.S. Fred, where are you?


Mon, 14 May 2001 13:29:32 –0400
From: Shanon

OK - wait just one second. There is ONLY one fashion ( and we will say EXEC here ) in this family........ Not to mention any names..... No one consulted me?? No grand kids, no eccentric Southern Will to leave behind, at the very least, I can't believe I've been replaced?!?!?! Let's get REAL people! I mean really.......

Shanon


Mon, 14 May 2001 11:56:14 –0600
From: Justin

Shan, you know, and I believe everyone ELSE knows, that everything I learned about fashion I got from you, baby!

Justin

Mon, 14 May 2001 14:32:09 -0400
From: Annie

O Shanon, god of Fashion, do not forsake us for our hardness of heart. For do not the sciptures say that all those who repent will be forgiven? Therefore we will cease to do evil in thy sight and no more worship our false gods of fashion.
We will stand, therefore, having our loins girt about with Abercrombie and Fitch, having on the shirt of GAP and our feet shod with the stylings of Dr. Marten, which thou hast sent thine angels to commit unto us;
We will take the accessories of silver and gold wherewith we shall be able to quench all the fiery darts of the unfashionable; And will take the hat of the coolest sports team and the watch of the swiss army, and submit to thy word which thou wilt reaveal unto us, and be agreed as touching all things whatsoever ye ask of us and be faithful followers of fad until July, when we shall gather for thy coming, that we may also hope to be as fashionable as thou art. Amen.

Mon, 14 May 2001 21:18:05 EDT
From: Nicea

Oh, Shanon, Fashion Guru of all Gurus, King of Khakis, Lord of Loafers, Prince of Polos and Irreplaceable Infant Brother,

Forgive me, for I have sinned. Whatevah SHALL we weh-ah for the fam-i-ly pictchuh?

With deepest sorrow for past mistakes, I remain

Your Reunion Gestapo


Mon, 14 May 2001 14:11:26 –0400
From: Shanon

Hey Babe.... Honey, I'm in for the khaki thing, do ya get me?..... I don't think another blue jean thing is "Our Family." I can envision white oxford tops, (as it's a favorite ensemble for me, but then again with photography, I'm afraid we'd all "wash out" unless I sent everyone for a tanning session.... Still with me love muffin?? Anyway, I do think denim or denim colored oxfords would be good. Again, to use the word frugal (how could I even utter, but should more often) denim, and "denim like" are easily affordable, and look comfortable, yet casual with distinction. One trip to WallMart, and we'd all be fixed up. I also STRONGLY advise (wish I could say not acceptable) NO tennis shoes, toe wielding flip flops or the like. We've ALL got loafers right?? Or at least shoes that go well with light khakis. I'd like to avoid the "Beverly Hillbilly" near miss from last time. We're all beautiful people, but that was a close call. I can still hear granny screaming from atop the truck in the chair. Why again did we not let she and Jethro in the picture....? Oh my memory.....So.... On we go honey luvah, let me know what you think.....


I hope if nothing else, you got a kick out of that....... Maybe a little tip or two... I love you!!

XOXOXOXOX, Shanon

Mon, 14 May 2001 22:01:34 EDT
From: Nicea

Oh, Shanon, how you do make me laugh!

Ladies and Gentlemen, we have had our fashion hineys kicked--and with such grace! Be it herewith resolved that the suggested official attire for the Reunion Photograph 2001 (drumroll, please) is spelled out in splendid detail in the forwarded email from the Dahli Lama of Fashion himself. To summarize:

1. Light colored khaki pants, ironed (NO shorts or capris)

2. Denim or denim-colored oxford (not to be confused with "saddle oxford" which is to be worn on the foot. Shanon, will you please describe an "Oxford" for those who might need a fashion cheat-sheet?) Tucked or untucked shirt, or our choice?

3. NO sandals or open-toed shoes or tennis shoes or flip-flops (Better said, wear loafers or real shoes that go well with khakis).

4. Three pieces of clothing do not a complete ensemble make. (And because even the Nazi Reunion Planner has a heart, each is free to choose his/her own underclothing, just as long as the rest of us don't have to see it.)

I like it. What do ya'll think? See ya at Wallmart?

Queen Bee Reunion Organizer

Mon, 14 May 2001 23:26:56 –0400
From: Shanon

ABSOLUTELY! FABULOUS! EVERYONE!

I will be arriving in drag of course dressed like the woman in the old Gap commercials with the very large round black horn rimmed glasses. Don't ask me anything where the answer would not be "fleece" or "cargo pants" or you'll screw everything up. I guess it could sort of be a closet Jackie O thing...... (all together clutch pearls now for a moment of silence)

I now envision glorious smiles clad below and all about with various shades of denim and khaki and fabulous footwear! OH! (hand to the forehead) You'd think I had died and gone to heaven! Which is where I will be headed as Coy begins to strip off if there is no one there to catch my fall!! (in'nt that right Big Red?) ( \/ )


Coy - fabulous, simply fabulous....

Fred - It's a date. Have your people call my people.

Annie - You remind me of all the sleeping I did during Senior English. You are such a writer. You give ME cramps!! I had to put a bag over my head to stop laughing... and YES solely for that reason..... OH! (hand to the forehead again) I'll get my chisel and head for the rock cliffs where proper English skills are not required and fire is more popular than BMW. Hence I go to communicate for the remainder of my days - EE Gad child, you're brilliant - STOP, DON'T STOP! (flattery gets you EVERYWHERE!!)

Justin - Darn Tootin!! - you bettah reconize! Chahl ah beat'cha wit mah own stick!

Nicea - You and ah at the aeahpoaht Julep Club..... You goahgus whip of a Steel MagnOlia......


Not demanding everyone in Oxfords.... Have one? Get one? Grand.... Let's go for all of it ! I say long sleeved thick weave denim in whatever "denim shade" you prefer. Think of it this way, they last forever and can be worn any season of the year!! Men, Let's tuckem' in. This means sit ups for me, after all, the river in Egypt flows on..... Ladies, your choice, whatever is most comfortable, in or out, or as for Coy, on or off........ Also, ladies, capris, why not? For this look, let's really concentrate on the "fabulous" footwear concept here and coordinate! coordinate! coordinate!.... and please shave..... Don't make me chase you around the studio.....Hah!! "I'll get you my pretty!" All Khaki - great! All Denim - great! Coordinate your families so we have a beautiful collage oui? Are we all together? Not if one of our little family units shows up for the picture all dressed in solid khaki or solid denim....SEEK SHELTER from the CLEAVER.....SHING! A little hint of white here and there wouldn't hurt...... Justin, you can always give Beno a wedgie just before the flash goes off..... Send me your thoughts.... and your light slams..... We'll make a great picture like last time so we're all not saying 20 years from now, "I can't believe I........."

Altogether now, quietly as a whisper at first if necessary, like it were a dream.... shades of denim and khaki..... shades of denim and khaki...... shades of denim and khaki....... Sister Barney...... leading the singing.... shades of denim and khaki..... envision her and wave your
arms about as you feel it slowwwwwly coming on...... shades of denim and khaki.... shades of denim and khaki.... The under arm fat shaking with the fervor of Sister Peabody's.... shades of denim and kahki...... shades of denim and khaki...... anyone says pink? WATCH FOR THE CLEAVER! SHING!

Chop! Chop! So on with the classic!

Love to all Sincerely and Twice!

Shan

Mon, 14 May 2001 23:41:24 -040
From: Shanon

I have to share..... I just felt an aura in the breeze outside of someone thinking fluorescent green.... SHING!

Mon, 14 May 2001 23:56:50 EDT
From: Nicea

Whoever was thinking fluorescent green will probably never admit it. But we'll know because they no longer have a head, right?

Mon, 14 May 2001 23:59:39 -0400
From: Shanon

One word..... SHING!

Tue, 15 May 2001 00:07:22 -0400
From: Annie

you mean to say i'm not allowed to wear my beloved flip-flops?!? i don't know if my feet can stand to be so enclosed. they'll get clausterphobic. they need to feel the cool grass and the fresh spring breeze (YES even in july!). they need freedom, man, freedom! i mean, c'mon, this is a fourth of july celebration...don't go all british on me...all i want to do is show off my fluorescent green toenail polish, is that so wrong? and do you want to explain for those of us of a fashionably impaired generation (i mean, we wore SLOUCH SOCKS for cryin out loud) what an oxford is?

love you
annie

Tue, 15 May 2001 00:09:44 -0400
From: Shanon

SHING!

Love you too honey, you know I do. Thanks for making me laugh so hard. I needed it!!!

Mon, 14 May 2001 23:39:25 -0700
From: Coy

I have purple shoes, I really like do them, I think they are way better than oxfords! I really do not have any idea what is going on but I just thought as long as I'm getting these reunion updates that make no sence I can make no sence too. I'm not getting naked by self. I already got a lead on breakaway tuxedos for everyone (no charge) then we would really match, well at least we be able to tell the boys from the girls although we may not be able to tell families apart like, we don't already know who belong to whom! COY Oh dang X rated again!

Tue, 15 May 2001 11:19:02 –0400
From: Annie

i'm all about breakaway tuxes...can we get em in orange?

Tue, 15 May 2001 10:14:30 -0700
From: Coy

I have discussed this with Nicea and she agrees and Shanon too. She loves my breakaway tux idea but would like me to get them a size bigger than you normally
wear so when you put them on you can have your orange space suit on under it. Annie suggested orange as a good color. Good thing I figured out a way to accomidate every one. So final, final , final reunion picture attire (you don't even have to do and thing but show up I got you covered just send me your sizes. We will have orange spacesuits on under our breakaway tuxes Annie wants orange tied in some way, (Iguess you will have to supply your own helmet I can't get enough of those). But this is all cleared and final with Neesh and it is a GO on all fronts. Orange spacesuits under black breakaway tuxes, this is final. About the oxfords shoes or stype of shirt which ever you see oxford as meaning is optional. I'm pushing flipflops with a flower on the toe strap thingy! Send me you flower color choice too, I have this great rental place here that will give it all to me free because they are big on families getting together! Lucky I found this place. You will have to ignore the 'Czar reunion planner' with information regarding this matter she did not click her heels together (at least i did not hear it) I'm thinking she is a fake. So take this as final picture attire and get your sizes to me as quickly as posible. COY (the sender's name as been disguised to protect the guilty). The best news, after the photo shoot Gedicks' are taking us all out to lunch at grandpa's favorite Mexican food place! They said they would pick up the tab so be hungry and tell all your friends and anybody that looks like they need a place to go and bring them . Isn't that shweet of them to offer! Remeber ignore the Czar this is final and official.

Tue, 15 May 2001 10:26:12 -0700
From: Tom

Hey, I have a ahemmmm "friend" who could probably fix us up with the orange space suits. Here is her company's home page.

http://www.spaceprops.com/

Tue, 15 May 2001 11:05:14 -0700
From: Coy

Just messing with you heads!
C

Tue, 15 May 2001 11:47:19 -0700 (PDT)
From: Krista

Help! I live in Seattle--the ENGLISH department of Seattle. We are only allowed to wear burgandy leather, shirts embroidered with human faces, and dynamic neck scarves (pants also permitted, with bicycle clips). Do you think I could have someone meet me in the dressing room? Where do I go for denim?!!

K
ps. Ah, space suits, heavenly.


Tue, 15 May 2001 15:44:54 -0700
From: Coy

Tom found a place where we can all order our own spacesuits and then I won't have to worry about getting all the sizes right, the web sight http://www.spaceprops.com/ it is a friend of his. Check it out and order yours today so you will get it in time. Thank you Tom!


Tom found a place where we can all order our own spacesuits and then I won't have to worry about getting all the
sizes right, the web sight http://www.spaceprops.com/ it is a friend of his. Check it out and order yours today so
you will get it in time. Thank you Tom!

If you are not on the list I am sending to please let me know and I will add you. Coming soon to a computer near you "Who Wants to be A Reunionaire".

Questions will be sent to you from our past, the game may also include puzzles, word scramblers, riddles, etc. every thing will be sent randomly, some day time and you nighttime emailers will have some sent during the evening . Who ever comes up with the best answer in the shortest amount of time wins. My computer clocks the time I recieve your email and yes I can figure out the different time zones. I also realized that some of us have more time to play on the computer than others so I will not sent more than two puzzles a week for the next 6 weeks. If you want to play fine, great, dandy, if you don't great fine ,dandy! If you feel you are at a disadvantage some how, don't wory there will be participant prizes.

COY

Wed, 16 May 2001 01:13:06 -0700
From: Coy

I has been drawn to my attention that nothing is official about the attire for the Stimpson Family Photo July 3rd. So I thinking spacesuits are not out of the picture yet. Some decisions still are left to be made. I mentioned getting all the spacesuits for you if you give me the sizes you want. As far as helmets are concerned you are on your own ,but then I thought since Abby is well known in her school maybe she could ask the fooball coach if we could borrow their football helmets, we would't have to wear them but could certainly hold them like they do in the movies as they are walking to the shuttle. No one would know the difference, i don't think. I got so much mail about the space suits today it seems to be the popular choice so keep those computers on as changes occur daily.

Wed, 16 May 2001 11:12:41 -0400
From: Annie

ok as much as i LOVE the space suit idea, i have to admit i'm a bigger fan of birthday suits (aunt coy you're BRILliant!) i mean, its just so simple....schmear on a little self tanner and we'll all avoid "washing out" AND and...incorporate the beautiful orange that i so love. so what do we think? ps are we still doin breakaway tuxes? maybe we could get breakaway space suits....hmmm....

annie

Wed, 16 May 2001 09:14:54 -0700
From: Coy

Ihaven't got the final word on tuxes from Shan and Nicea they seem to be the experts but I can get them. First we have a few poses all dressed in balck tuxedos and then SHING (Shan's Wonderful word) we rip them off and orange space suits (they come in white too) if we want them.. I like the layered effext because that is how they tell you to dress if you are not sure of the weather, dress in layers. Then if you are too hot SHING again with the spacesuits and it could be you birthday suit or regular summer attire.

Would some one please tell me what an oxford shirt is, wouldn't you know, just my luck to have oxford shoes and I'm not sure if I have an oxford shirt because being from California we name thing our way and i might have one and not know it by that name!. But yea I think Julia has the best idea lets all go the Mexico City. Speaking of Mexico I did get reservations at the Mexican food restaurant in Orem for 50 people in Fred's name so if you find any hungry lost souls wondering around invite them July 3rd and noon. Julia wants to come she already told me. SHING for now got a Doc appointment. Yes I do have a life, thank you very much!

XOX,

your Self -appointed Pre-reunion Game Show Host

Wed, 16 May 2001 15:51:50 -0400
From: Shanon

Baby Doll.....

Let's get CRAZY! Space suits it is! Can you get one that accentuates my hind end and fitted tightly around the waist? I don't think I could handle a corset underneath one of those things!!

Wed, 16 May 2001 17:11:58 EDT
From: Shawn

It came to me at 3 in the morning that in keeping with the Independence Day theme we should all sport a firecracker coming out of each nostril and a banner across the front of us which reads "Stars and Stimpsons Forever." Like Mrs. Nicea GAP always says, "It's all about the accessories!"

Shawn's 2 cents